In recent years, the Me Too movement, affirmative consent, and the criminalisation of sexual assault acts like stealthing, have led many of us to realise that the sex education we received at school was significantly lacking. Aside from being a biology lesson about reproduction, sex ed rarely gave an insight into desire, arousal, and the conversations required when engaging in sex to ensure both parties consent enthusiastically. It makes a recent interview Billie Eilish gave on SiriusXM relatable as the singer described watching porn at a young age as a means of getting a greater insight into what sex was all about.
Eilish explained how watching porn at a young age not only clouded her understanding of consent, but also “destroyed” her brain and impacted her future sexual experiences. When she finally did start having sex, Eilish said that what she saw reflected in porn led her to “not say no to things that were not good.”
Speaking to Howard Stern, 19-year-old Eilish discussed the problematic nature of porn, which is largely skewed towards male audiences with graphic images of sex that undermines female agency and desire. For Eilish, porn was something she watched growing up and often voiced enthusiasm about. “I was an advocate, and I thought I was one of the guys and would talk about it and think I was really cool for not having a problem with it and not seeing why it was bad,” said Eilish. But Eilish soon came to gravitate towards more graphic videos which began to affect her mental health. In recent years, porn has come under fire for the manner in which it presents consent and as Eilish suggests, this has wider ramifications on society due to the pervasive nature of pornography. “I thought that’s what I was supposed to be attracted to,” she told The Howard Stern Show. Eilish described the porn she watched as “violent”, adding that it also didn’t accurately portray women’s bodies or their experiences of sex.
“I was a virgin. I had never done anything. And so, it led to problems…The first few times I had sex, I was not saying no to things that were not good. It was because I thought that’s what I was supposed to be attracted to.” The violent pornography Eilish consumed also led to her having night terrors and sleep paralysis. “I think it really destroyed my brain, and I feel incredibly devastated that I was exposed to so much porn,” she added. “I’m so angry that porn is so loved. And I’m so angry at myself for thinking that it was OK.”
While female directors have certainly looked to make porn more accessible to women by framing sex in a new light that not only empowers the women depicted on screen but also gives them greater agency and highlights their desire and consent, there remains much to be desired when it comes to mainstream porn. And though it might be lazy to place all responsibility on porn given that sex education exists in schools to educate and facilitate such conversations around the topic in a safe environment, the fact remains that many teens continue to use and view porn as an educational tool.
As a result, porn can pressure younger viewers into doing things they’re not comfortable with, as Eilish expressed in the interview. Even on TikTok, there has been a noticeable vilification of “vanilla” sex, branding it as boring. For young girls, this adds a layer of shame to ideas of sex, suggesting that they have to enjoy rough sex so as not to be viewed as boring in bed.
In speaking up about her own experiences with porn, Eilish has highlighted the need for such conversations to take place as porn is, most often, not a reflection of true sex.
