Middle children often grapple with the perception of being the family’s forgotten member. Unlike their older siblings, who may receive accolades for their achievements, or their younger siblings, who often receive protective attention, middle children can feel like they are in a perpetual state of limbo. This lack of spotlight can lead to feelings of insignificance and inadequacy, as they perceive themselves as being robbed of a clear position within the family hierarchy.
As a result, middle children might develop a range of coping strategies that can manifest as competitiveness or rebelliousness. They may feel the need to assert their identity in ways that stand out, leading to behaviours aimed at gaining recognition. On the flip side, many middle children develop a reputation for being even-tempered and adaptable, often acting as mediators in family disputes. This duality makes the middle child experience complex and multifaceted.
Middle-child syndrome is a colloquial term – not a clinical diagnosis – that encapsulates the feelings and behaviours associated with being caught in the middle of the family hierarchy. While the experience varies from family to family, it often includes traits such as:
Feeling overlooked
Middle children often perceive themselves as less noticed compared to their siblings, which can lead to feelings of loneliness or inferiority.
Independence
Growing up sandwiched between siblings often fosters a strong sense of self-reliance and autonomy, as they learn to carve out their own space in the family dynamic.
People-pleasing tendencies
To gain attention and approval, middle children may develop diplomatic skills, striving to keep the peace and adapt to others’ needs.
Unique identity seeking
The quest for individuality often drives middle children to seek ways to stand out, whether through hobbies, friendships, or personal achievements.
Conflict avoidance
Middle children frequently become adept at mediating disputes, opting for compromise and harmony rather than confrontation.
How can you manage the challenges of being a middle child?
Recognising these traits can empower middle children to manage their emotional health more effectively. Here are some tips for fostering psychological and emotional wellbeing:
- It’s essential to validate your experiences. Recognising that feeling overlooked is common among middle children can help you process these emotions without self-judgment.
- Share your feelings with family members. Discussing your experiences can foster understanding and encourage them to acknowledge your contributions to the family dynamic.
- Embrace your autonomy by pursuing interests that resonate with you. Developing hobbies or skills outside the family sphere can reinforce your sense of self-worth.
- Focus on individual achievements rather than comparing yourself to your siblings. Setting and working towards personal goals can help you carve out your identity and boost your self-esteem.
- Prioritise activities that promote relaxation and joy. Whether through exercise, mindfulness, or creative pursuits, nurturing yourself can help mitigate feelings of inadequacy.
- Foster friendships and connections outside of your family. Engaging with peers can provide validation and a sense of belonging that may feel lacking within the family dynamic.
- Instead of avoiding conflicts, practice assertiveness. Learning to express your needs and boundaries can empower you and enhance your relationships with others.
- If feelings of inadequacy or neglect persist, consider reaching out to a psychologist. Professional guidance can provide valuable tools for understanding and addressing your emotional challenges.
Being a middle child comes with its own set of challenges and strengths. While the feelings of being overlooked can lead to emotional difficulties, they can also foster resilience, independence, and a unique perspective on family dynamics. By acknowledging your experiences and actively working toward emotional wellbeing, you can navigate the complexities of your role with confidence and self-awareness. Your voice and contributions matter, and carving out your own life path is not only possible, but essential for your personal growth. Let your experience guide you toward a fulfilling and empowered life.
Carly Dober owns Enriching Lives Psychology and is the director at the Australian Association of Psychologists Incorporated and Body Safety Australia. She works alongside Headspace App’s global team and professionally covers topics including but not limited to; mental health, depression, anxiety, stress and burnout, anger management, phobias, relationship difficulties, sexuality and sexual development.
