In recent years the term ‘narcissist’ has exploded over the internet and in everyday conversation. Whether we’re scrolling through social media or chatting with friends, it seems like everyone has a story about encountering a “narcissist.” While the term is used ubiquitously, its clinical meaning has often been lost in the noise.
The widespread and often careless application of the term has blurred the lines between what constitutes narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) and what is simply selfish or unpleasant behaviour.
RELATED: Are you a burnt-out ‘good girl’? Here’s how to tell
It’s easy to latch onto psychological terms to explain negative experiences. But it’s crucial to understand the difference between clinical narcissism and general rudeness or selfishness, and to recognise how concept creep — the broadening of the meanings of psychological terms — has contributed to the confusion.
What is Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD)?
Narcissistic Personality Disorder is a clinically diagnosed mental health condition characterised by a long-standing pattern of grandiosity (either in fantasy or behaviour), a constant need for admiration, and a lack of empathy toward others. The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-5) states that individuals with NPD exhibit five or more of the following (and importantly, this can only be diagnosed by trained professionals after assessment):
- A strong sense of self-importance
- Excessive fantasies of unlimited success, power, brilliance, beauty, or ideal love
- A belief that they are overly special or unique
- An intense need for admiration
- A sense of entitlement (that they should get whatever they want)
- A tendency to use others to achieve their own ends
- A lack of empathy towards others (having difficulty recognising or identifying with the feelings and needs of others)
- Envy of others, or the belief that others are envious of them
- Displaying arrogant or overconfident behaviour and attitudes
NPD is not simply about being vain or self-centred, which are traits we all can exhibit at times. Narcissism is the human experience of feeling important, needing admiration and attention, and wanting success and love. It’s normal and can even be a healthy personality trait, if it’s mild and occasional. It’s perfectly possible to feel or act a little narcissistic, even unpleasantly so, without having a disorder.
NPD is a deeply ingrained personality disorder that affects an individual’s entire way of interacting with the world and other people. People with NPD struggle to maintain healthy relationships and often manipulate or exploit others to fulfill their need for admiration and validation. Around 1% of adults in the general community experience NPD, although some studies estimate up to 6%.
The term ‘narcissist’ has lost its meaning
As with many psychological terms, narcissist is being used in ways that often distorts its true meaning. Someone who acts selfishly, dominates a conversation, or exhibits a lack of concern for others is quickly labelled a narcissist. Or someone who had been cheated on by their ex engages in armchair analysis and says that they have NPD. Being self-involved or unpleasant doesn’t necessarily mean someone has NPD.
RELATED: How to tell a partner you’re depressed
Narcissism used to be understood narrowly, as a legitimate and serious personality disorder that can seriously impact someone’s quality of life and functioning. While it may feel satisfying to pin complex relational issues on a single label, this overuse creates a number of problems.
First, it reduces the gravity of NPD as a serious mental health condition, trivialising the experiences of those who truly suffer from it and those affected by people with the disorder. Second, it creates a culture where people are quick to diagnose others including friends, partners, or colleagues without truly understanding the psychological complexities involved, and importantly – without the qualifications to do so.
Not everyone who acts like an a**hole is a narcissist
It’s important to remember that people can be rude, selfish, or inconsiderate without necessarily being narcissists. People can have moments of arrogance or engage in thoughtless behaviour because they’re having a bad day, under stress, or lacking self-awareness — but that doesn’t automatically make them a narcissist. Sometimes, people are simply jerks. Sometimes people may also simply not like you.
Labelling someone a narcissist when they are merely acting out of frustration or immaturity can shut down the possibility of empathy and understanding. Everyone has flaws and moments of selfishness, but there’s a difference between that and having a clinical disorder that deeply impacts every facet of one’s life.
If you do happen to know someone who you suspect has NPD and you are being impacted, it’s important to look after yourself. Speak to friends and family about the impact this is having on you and maintain effective boundaries. You can also consider getting support from a psychologist who can support your wellbeing.
Carly Dober owns Enriching Lives Psychology and is the director at the Australian Association of Psychologists Incorporated and Body Safety Australia. She works alongside Headspace App’s global team and professionally covers topics including but not limited to; mental health, depression, anxiety, stress and burnout, anger management, phobias, relationship difficulties, sexuality and sexual development.
